Tuesday, 1 September 2009

sigh of relief much

today was terribleand i'm not going to moan about it
i was annoyed that silly things about my past relationship came out
little things i'd forgotten about till now
well i say little but apparently they weren't
so anyway, i was livid then upset then just didn't care.
then i remembered when me and stephanie made up
and we basically just put all the shit behind us
steph told me today that the reason i can't hold down a relationship is because i still care about him
and i can't be happy with it all cos i haven't moved on
yeah it is a horrible thing that happened to me
but i need to forget, it doesn't matter if i forgive, aslong as i forget and move on and get on with my life instead of being so angry and hatefilled all the time
so i came home, and as soon as i came on msn
a pop-up told me that samantha signed in
and i clicked on it and said
"hey. i know you have every reason to be annoyed at me, i've been a complete bitch to you. you don't even have to reply to this. i just want to say i'm sorry. i don't expect us to be friends. but i'd like to clear the air. i don't want any more pent up anger because of wilson."
then we talked things through a bit
and we both agree that it's not worth all the bitching and argueing
and that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach is gone
everything feels a whole lot better now
and tbh i can forgive her, i've just been bringing it up in every argument because that is the only thing i have to clutch onto, the terrible thing he did. the only way i can win an argument
but i don't need to
i don't need to have these silly arguments over and over
i need to move on with my life
and so do you steven
find someone that makes you happy
we can be friends and maybe sometime in the future, when we have both grown up a lot, after art college and uni perhaps, when we are different people and we've had enough time apart to sort out the rest of our lives, to experience life to the full, when everyone isn't against us, we could try again
but for now, everyone knows we aren't right together
and tbh you know it too and so do i
so lets just make it stop. we are friends
i'll always have that wierd feeling towards anyone your with
but i'm not the only person in the world who feels like that way about someone
i'm nothing special, everything that has happened to me has happened to many other people before me
so this is me, clearing the air, and letting go of it all
so i can move on

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