bloody hell

my back and shoulders are ridiculously painful and i seem to have become a recluse. i hide from the sun now :O haha
when i say leave me alone for a bit and im not sure how i feel about you just now why dont you just leave me be. dont phone dont text dont piss me off on msn
actually no. i was going to justify it all in this blog but no. you should no why i said that. i thought you knew me well enough and cared for me the slightest bit to understand whats wrong. but obviously not.
i have no buggering money on my phone now and i need a new sim card. does anyone feel like going into the vodafone shop and getting me a sim card. pleaseeeeeeee!!
2 more exams. :(
cant even be bothered writing this lol
ill do it later wen i can :P

sunburn argh!!

fuck-a-duck im red.. lol hahahaha
but yeah i spent the day focussing on tanning my paley legs and doing these frigin art essays
i succeded in my legs going slightly darker and i wrote about 3 lines of my essay, hey ho lol. i did the rest of it when i arrived home anyway.
anywhore my legs are paley with the slightest hint of darkness, my face is brown with freckles, my arms are of a black man and my shoulers are red!!! what the fudging heck is it all about. damn sun. no i take that back lol its been so nice not having rain.
my life is crazy hectic at the moment anyway
2 more exams, john ruining his own life while trying to pull down steph and then make myself conor and seonaid die inside. i really really really didnt need to know about these problems nor have you explain them to me in detail. in person. while you were wearing a burgundy jumper i longed to lol at hahahaha. and im also kind of annoyed at the fact hes made me out to be the shit stirrer. john brought up both topics that were supposedly off limits. i never told john anything but hes gone back to dear conor and steph and said bugger knows wat. plus its all starting to annoy everyone now. its not really any of johns business to talk shit and say that steph is becoming a lesser person. she's doing everything everyone else does. there's nothing wrong with her drinking and having fun now and again. nor is it yours or anyone elses business for that matter to tell her what she should and shouldnt do about being vegan. thats a personal choice and not something to judge anyone on.
anyhoos rant over lol
smile :)
ily <3

hippy happy mood

yeah sure
you tell me that then you wonder why im no longer chirpy and happy
never mind i suppose
get back with her if you want
its really not up to me
i made the decision that im staying away from someone else now mainly just cos you said you had a problem with it
ah well, bit of a waste of time i spose

you're being a dick
come on it was a fucking joke
lighten up
and also when i say leave me alone i mean it
it does not however mean keep phoning over and over again

steph craw id like to say is a mighty hoor :P
she tried to rape jordan hahahaha
we were at conors for his 18th and she got crazy drunk on rum
and the three key words she said were Ryan, Sex and Cock!! :L
it was a goodnight haha
5 of us sleeping in the same bed :P

and one thing im very happy about
me and steph are now talking
iv been petty for a long time and i regret it
but we've talked and its all sorted out
she's such a nice and very pretty person btw :)

delirium

delirium (say dill-irri-um) noun
1 a state of mental confusion and agitation
2 wild excitement

he's my delirium

what would you do if every fibre of your being wanted to be with that person
but the rest of your world were shaking their heads
my daddy (hehe) actually used the words: "i just don't want my baby girl to become an emotional wreck again"
my mummy (hehe) seems to question every decision i make
she will give me a lift anywhere i want now because she wants to make sure im actually going to the place i said
she didnt believe i was going to conor's on saturday, she thot i was going to his

but hey ho
also to amber
i think you should have him back
he's a good person and i do like him alot
but it's not working
and yeah he's right
if id said yes it would have been wrong
because its not fair on him having a girlfriend who loves someone else
but the fact i said no should show what type of person i am
i dont set out to hurt people
and by saying no i saved you and him a lot of upset


oh and Steph's a mighty hoor!!!

Lost..

Its starting to hit me now
he's gone and hes never coming back
im really starting to miss him alot right now
i know by the end i was really mad at him
and we hardly spoke
but at one point he was my best friend
the person i told everything to
not just my boyfriend
did you know that one person asked me if i was ok wen they found out
and one asked me how it happened
nm eh...

but it didnt matter a week or so ago
cos i had a new person to tell all these things to
but im not sure anymore
he makes me happy at times
but whats the fucking point eh
tbh i think he should just go back out with the psychopath
because i missed my chance with him
he knows id say yes if he asked again
but i know he wont
so iv decided im not waiting around anymore
cos im just going to get hurt over it all
so im moving on...
:'(

conor is my BFF
i loves him hehe

and btw dooshypants they are blueeeeee!!!
not white hahaha
oh and we all no i am better :P

hiii

today was amazing (:

...

yesterday was good too, except from star trek :P
but the park was fun at like midnight hehe
i totally rule at football lol
i <3 the tyre swing
me and shaun went on it
by the end neither of us could see and were falling haha
but getting hugs and piggy backs everytime james had to go after the ball was niceee..

conor :)

Cuteasabutton.. Fluorescent Adolescent..!
conor is my BFF for ever and everest!!! <3

hehehe im going to miss the sixth years soo god damn much
the last day was amazing
rape alarm attached to balloons in the joint
well done george!
btw how long did it take for that to stop going off ?? lol
massive waterfights
elmo pants :P
and a hell of a lot of hugs
oh and a cake in the face
haha

tomorrow i has to go and give my textbooks in
then i shall proceed to lol at the folk doing their english exam
altho i am the lol worthy one as i got kicked out haha
uptown with nicole saturday.. maybes
cinema on sunday lol

should have gone out last night and had funsies with dionne and shaun
but i got a phone call
i dont no how to react to what i was told
should i feel overwhelming sadness
or just relief, or happiness, or what
at the least i should know how to react wen im told hes gone.
at one point he was my best friend and my favourite person in the world
at another he was someone i never wanted to see again
i was sort of at ease when we stopped talking
the last text i sent to him was a few days ago replying to him
i cant remeber the ins and outs of it
but the basic idea was i never wanted to see him again
and now i cant.
i need a drink.. i need to stop thinking about it.. i need to see him one last time.. i need a hug..

i need my happy ever after... <3

hehehe strawberry tert!!

bonjour
i am in a happy mood
it is sooooo sunny and we went to the park
free periods ftw!!
i put pictures on my bebo
and theres going to be waterfightage tomorrow

the park was awesome
allanah got stuck in a tree then sent everyone away so she could get down without us seeing her "jiggly bits".
so the boys walked away a bit and me and siobhan turned around and we were talking with our backs to her
then we turned round and she was hanging off the tree :L:L
i havent laughed so hard in ages
i lost my keys. i maded matt go look for them since he was the one who picked me up and span my round nearly breaking my arm haha
its hard to find keys in a massive bark land haha

apparently shaun's ill :(
awwwwwww
but yeah he makes me smile big!!!
he came out his house just to see me wen i got off the bus
yees admitedly i didnt notice this and he had to phone me :L
but we had air hugs in the middle of the road
it made everything a bit better after amber yesterday
like iv always said:
its the simple things that matter.
obv its great wen you buy us stuff haha but just tiny little things that seem insignificant to you mean the world!

anyway i have like 7 conversations on msn going on and im texting like three people while im writing this.
its crazy multi tasking haha
allanahs going to stay on next year with me yay!!!


and yes i do realise it was 5 months yesterday

life...

... is there really a point to it.

i was going to write a long list of why theres no point but hey whats the point in that.
life always has a point. you just have to believe in it.
i know i completely gave up at one point
but why should i
i can be sad and depressed and wishing it would all end later.
but right now, shes still alive and i have to be there for her.
it would kill her if i disappeared and i cant do that to her
i dont want to think about it but i know shes getting worse
if she doesnt have this operation shell die. slowly and uncomfortably
but if she does have it shell die in the middle of it.
its way too high risk.
im kind of coming to terms with this. thats why i need to be happy with wat i have
because itll be gone and closure is something i find insanely hard to get.


my whole world came tumbling down before my eyes.
but i cant let it ruin everything.
iv allowed it to happen before and i never want to again.
im going to be okay. youre going to be okay
you told me ages ago youd rather have me as your friend than not in your life at all
so lets do that. but not yet. i still need time and seeing you saturday was probs even too much
right now all you need to know is im going to be happy.
whatever it takes :)
and i wont hurt myself. thats a promise for now.


saturday evening was really lovely too.
even with ambers little bitch fit on the phone lol
i love hugs.
i feel asleep watching lee evans. lolage
but anyway thank you.
your making me happy and thats wat i need.
free periods are great. even if i lose at thumb wars.
and you make me fall off my chair. and then hack into my phone
haha served you right.
kinda makes me want that time machine moresies.
also damn my lack of phone moneys!!

haha. as if!!

lol great talk with david and david today.
oh and darren.
according to these people i cheated with:
matt briggs, simon nelson, shaun ross, smack, grant hyslop, david mcgreachan, conor smith, reuben.
im sure there were more but i cant even remember thats how unrealistic it is
haha as if!! seriously
also the fact was left out that i was cheated on.
darren was extremely surprised. :P

anyway...
to clear it all up
you slept with sam.
i slept with reuben. i was a doosh. i regret it.
you slept with sam
its over.
now you know so dont keep asking me. pweese :)

simple as
so im not going to fanny around being sad and alsorts.
im over it.
plus i really like someone
its really complicated because of allsorts.
but hes great :)
we has lots of hugs and he makes me smile
i feel as happy as i was way back last june.
at that time id met someone i really liked and we got on really well.
im starting to be smiley again.
but i wish id said yes on sunday.
if i could go back i would.
wheres conor with that time machine when i need him :P

anyways. more shopping in the morning, big in falkirk in the afternoon, drinkage!!
plus bank holiday on monday. yay!! chillaxing!! yeah im that cool lol
my daddy just handed me £65. how kind hehe :)