Slag :)

yay
im happying up
everythings just starting to go right
well apart from school and the fact im getting kicked out lol
but im still happy

iv been called a slag all day
but i dont care :)
pulling 7 folk isnt that bad
lol

yees matts party was goods
a bit shit at the start wen i shouted and then greeted to you like 2 seconds later cos i was sorry haha
but yees drink, hot tub, pool, and cutting peoples hair and shaving eyebrows off
all in all uber funsies
my legs are bruised, my knees are cut and i has huge cuts down my back
i dont know how i got any of them but hey who cares
me and dionne had talks :)
and thank you michelle for saving mee
me and allanah. first hugs yass lol
and sam=awesome. love her :)
soo im happy
bourbon is your enemy!! lol at choo..

walking home next morning in the sun was soo lovely
i cant wait till summer now. itll be soo awesome and sunnyful and such likes :)

yeah ill get kicked out of school and be homeless and im pennyless right now but this is the first time in months iv been happy

i got a pancake :) !!!

oh the funn things i get up to this week lol

fashion show thursday night
5.30 till 9 ?!
i has to wear the dress i made that isnt even finished :O
plus anyones allowed to turn up and watch. oh noes

plus i got a terrible report
for art i got "a concern" for behaviour, effort, preparedness, etc
i had a mass argument with mrs felton over it today
i said it was a bit harsh
plus she gave me a D
bitch lol

but yay!!
all the subjects i wanted to take next year are in the right columns :)
higher english again (i got kicked out this year lol)
advanced higher maths (yeah im that cool)
higher photography (for the lulz)
advanced higher art (cause i rule at it :P)

lol simon didnt believe i could do art
he didnt believe it was me who painted my final design lol
he had to ask matt to see if it was the truths
wen he finally had enough evidence that i could do it there was mass sighs
"why cant nomis do art" lol
apparently he cant even do stick men
i loled

then matts party saturday
i agreed id stay lol
passing out on the floor is the same as planning to stay in my opinion lol
itll be funns :)

damn you.. making me mean

ARGH!!

i dont even know why i hate you this much
i mean your no fucking competition right..
yeah your friends :S
and yeah yous pulled
i dont care tho
because you seem to act like your so high and mighty and better than me
when your not
its not a game you can win
you were never even in the running sweetheart

sorry alex
i am still really nice lol
(saturday: "normally really pretty lassies are bitches")
and i dont bitch about people
its just i needed to get all my anger for her out
shes a fucking cow
but im not going to be so mean as to write all her visual flaws.
there are a lot..
im better than that and i wont sink to her crappy level

life's a bitch

i promised id write a happy blog lol hmmmmm :/



the weekend was nice even if it didnt quite go as planned.


yeah i spose i should be happy now
but im not...
- yeah im in love
- yeah i have a date for the party
- yeah i have good friends
- yeah im sorting school out
but all these awesome things have flaws...
- wats the point in love if i wont even tell you anything
- i dont feel the same
- i dont speak to my best friend properly anymore
- only because im forced to because of the attendance card.
plus i have this big thing that if its true is probably going to fuck everything up even more

life's a bitch!!


but hey, party saturday.
drink
friends
laughs..
should be good..

fuck that for a laugh..

bonjour mon petit amie♥

so im supposedly happy now..
so i should write happy stuffs in my blog...

im getting my braces off tomorrow after a year and two thirds of them on (:
i ate yoghurt and chocolate today. yass !
i dropped a glass bottle in the middle of the joint.
the lid smashed off it and left quite a nice sharp knife shape :P
my final piece for art is beautiful (:
im going to get nice extensions as i miss my long hair.
i have red hair die lol. should i do it ?
your staying here friday (:
5th period made me really happy.
im starting to choose wat i want to do in life
i want to go to art college and do either animation or photography
i want to live in edinburgh
seonaid said that leith is nice
just outside edinbro by the sea, where the junkies used to live (:
but can i leave you for three or four years to do that

lolage twitch haha
it seems funny now but at the time it was really bad nightmares over and over.
i stopped breathing fuck sake haha
and i spose if you werent there to wake me up and tell me it was ok
who knows wat would have happened..

hehe i rule at art
♥

sooooo..

what do you want me to do?
im not getting on with my life at all.
im making plans to make it look like i am
because as far as i could see
you were getting over me and already had someone else
and then you tell me your no where near over me
and i dont no what to think
you said i should be with other people
experiences and such likes
but you dont really want me to do you?
but then again i dont no what you want.
i dont even know what i want
im fucking up my life single handedly
i made plans with other people
because i wanted to do what youv asked me to do for ages
so that im not just standing waiting.
not because i dont love you
not because i want to hurt you and make you feel awkward
not because im completely over you
im never going to feel differently about you
youll always be 'the one' to me.

i was always set to self destruct..

drinkage

me and hannah
double act
saturday
both feel like shit
so we'll feel like shit together :)

lu hannah :)

xxxx

i likes happiness.

thrown out of english
yay!! ko
soo i have to do the whole course again next year because i uber failed the prelim
iv also been thrown out of history for reals lol
so now i only have three highers to do
altho the hoff said i wont be allowed back next year
so fuck it
roll on the holidays!!

thot i was starting to sort myself out and get over it all a bit
but two minutes after hand there was hand holdage
i walked straight out of art, down to the joint and greeted on ashleighs shoulder.
how the fuck can it mean this much to me.
we broke up, iv kissed other people, but as soon as i see even a hug i turn into a mess
because i love him
and love doesnt just go away

me and michelle had a really good talk today which really sorted out my head a lot
thank you dear :)
i would have talked to david but i would have greeted and he gets soo uncomfortable its hilarious.
then david had a massive hissy fit lol
he threw everything down and started shouting back at mrs felton
apparently it was all her fault and that it was retarded our dresses and his armour had to be finished by next week for their stupid fashion show lol
he was sooo angry
good times aha

then david heeps, shanice, kim, me and seonaid were all up in art the first two periods
ah all the bitching lol and seonaid thinking they were talking about someone different :P
until david felt it a good idea to doubt my relationship
apparently it wasnt a relationship, it was casual sex
so i took most of my anger out on him

so im basically trying to fill in my empty life with fun and lols
because im not really wanted by anyone and that really sucks
yeah a hefty number of people would be there for me. and by that i mean want a shag
soo wat the hell do i do
carry on waiting in hope that you'll feel better
or sleep with anyone who shows a slight interest in me
because like i said to hannah
i hate myself right now
and i know your all there for me and i love you for it
:)
suppose i just need time

anyways thank you for being there for mee :)
and byeee i spose.

talksies

i had a conversation today
if the worst thing happened
if my mum has this operation and it goes badly.

theres a large percentage chance there will be complications
because she was born with a hole in her heart
which meant open heart surgery as a baby
and repeats throughout her childhood
which means her heart is extremley weak
and any sort of operation on the body would be a shock to the system
and it could basically give up
plus if tht didnt happen it could also give up
because it wont be strong enough to keep blood pumping round the body
because of the mass blood loss which will occur in the operation.

anyway id either keep my friends close and basically rely on them to keep me going
or id push everyone away and basically fuck about,
try and make it all go away with drink, drugs, whatever.
and yeah i said i didnt no which id choose.
but the truth is tht id do the second one and you no it as well as i do.
like you said, i havent got any control of my life
and im doing whatever i can to control aspects of it.
even if its hurting those who care
not just me
at the end of the day.

so it got worse..

so i lost that one good thing in my life
and it basically made me think "wtf is the point anymore?!
you were the only thing that kept me sane and you can't be with me right now."


monday. seonaid's house. we had a mass leftovers feast. and went to the bank. Hardcore!!
tuesday. possibly passed english. wooo
wednesday. classics exam failage.
thursday. didnt really feel it necessary to go to my history exam so mr ross is on the war path for me (hehe war, - history, conor pointed it out nm lol) and got a bollocking from the hoff :L ah well. dogged it with matt (alex finds this immensely funny lol). on a break too which wasn't as bad as expected, you hugged me and let me has a few tears.
thursday night. i sat in the house drinking quite a lot for me, taking whatever i could find that i thought might make me forget, knowing fully well i had my maths exam the next day. oops. on the phone to you most of the night greeting and breaking up. did something i never thought i'd do which folk don't seem to believe was a cat... hmm. totally ruined my skins watching lol
friday. maths exam failage. watched zoolander lol highlight of the week. :L
saturday. up town. turns out you were there. which was a surprise. good and bad i spose. once we actually spoke to each other it got better tho. up the spot sitting on the trees talking was good. i find it hard to talk to folk except you. but yeah it was good then we went away and i got my hand stuck in jaggys and you pulled the jaggy bits out with your teeth. thank you.
now. snowing which is nice but its not lying :(. 'revising' for art lol ah itll have to be a record for me if i fail this too.


on a lighter note i has a tranny sheep
my last one was cruelly murdered in the joint (yes i will still call it a joint, it is not a cafeteria or watever crap were aposed to call it now, itll always be the joint) so i buyed another kinder egg and it had another tranny sheep in. i was like omg yays.
also i really like Taylor Swift's song - Love Story
^^ i never thought id like her stuff but this has cute lyrics :)
also i has a boy jacket lol i saw it in Tompan and i was like i wants
it has triangles on hehe. and its still clean even after being up the spot and in the rain in it. :O