conor :)

Cuteasabutton.. Fluorescent Adolescent..!
conor is my BFF for ever and everest!!! <3

hehehe im going to miss the sixth years soo god damn much
the last day was amazing
rape alarm attached to balloons in the joint
well done george!
btw how long did it take for that to stop going off ?? lol
massive waterfights
elmo pants :P
and a hell of a lot of hugs
oh and a cake in the face
haha

tomorrow i has to go and give my textbooks in
then i shall proceed to lol at the folk doing their english exam
altho i am the lol worthy one as i got kicked out haha
uptown with nicole saturday.. maybes
cinema on sunday lol

should have gone out last night and had funsies with dionne and shaun
but i got a phone call
i dont no how to react to what i was told
should i feel overwhelming sadness
or just relief, or happiness, or what
at the least i should know how to react wen im told hes gone.
at one point he was my best friend and my favourite person in the world
at another he was someone i never wanted to see again
i was sort of at ease when we stopped talking
the last text i sent to him was a few days ago replying to him
i cant remeber the ins and outs of it
but the basic idea was i never wanted to see him again
and now i cant.
i need a drink.. i need to stop thinking about it.. i need to see him one last time.. i need a hug..

i need my happy ever after... <3

hehehe strawberry tert!!

bonjour
i am in a happy mood
it is sooooo sunny and we went to the park
free periods ftw!!
i put pictures on my bebo
and theres going to be waterfightage tomorrow

the park was awesome
allanah got stuck in a tree then sent everyone away so she could get down without us seeing her "jiggly bits".
so the boys walked away a bit and me and siobhan turned around and we were talking with our backs to her
then we turned round and she was hanging off the tree :L:L
i havent laughed so hard in ages
i lost my keys. i maded matt go look for them since he was the one who picked me up and span my round nearly breaking my arm haha
its hard to find keys in a massive bark land haha

apparently shaun's ill :(
awwwwwww
but yeah he makes me smile big!!!
he came out his house just to see me wen i got off the bus
yees admitedly i didnt notice this and he had to phone me :L
but we had air hugs in the middle of the road
it made everything a bit better after amber yesterday
like iv always said:
its the simple things that matter.
obv its great wen you buy us stuff haha but just tiny little things that seem insignificant to you mean the world!

anyway i have like 7 conversations on msn going on and im texting like three people while im writing this.
its crazy multi tasking haha
allanahs going to stay on next year with me yay!!!


and yes i do realise it was 5 months yesterday

life...

... is there really a point to it.

i was going to write a long list of why theres no point but hey whats the point in that.
life always has a point. you just have to believe in it.
i know i completely gave up at one point
but why should i
i can be sad and depressed and wishing it would all end later.
but right now, shes still alive and i have to be there for her.
it would kill her if i disappeared and i cant do that to her
i dont want to think about it but i know shes getting worse
if she doesnt have this operation shell die. slowly and uncomfortably
but if she does have it shell die in the middle of it.
its way too high risk.
im kind of coming to terms with this. thats why i need to be happy with wat i have
because itll be gone and closure is something i find insanely hard to get.


my whole world came tumbling down before my eyes.
but i cant let it ruin everything.
iv allowed it to happen before and i never want to again.
im going to be okay. youre going to be okay
you told me ages ago youd rather have me as your friend than not in your life at all
so lets do that. but not yet. i still need time and seeing you saturday was probs even too much
right now all you need to know is im going to be happy.
whatever it takes :)
and i wont hurt myself. thats a promise for now.


saturday evening was really lovely too.
even with ambers little bitch fit on the phone lol
i love hugs.
i feel asleep watching lee evans. lolage
but anyway thank you.
your making me happy and thats wat i need.
free periods are great. even if i lose at thumb wars.
and you make me fall off my chair. and then hack into my phone
haha served you right.
kinda makes me want that time machine moresies.
also damn my lack of phone moneys!!

haha. as if!!

lol great talk with david and david today.
oh and darren.
according to these people i cheated with:
matt briggs, simon nelson, shaun ross, smack, grant hyslop, david mcgreachan, conor smith, reuben.
im sure there were more but i cant even remember thats how unrealistic it is
haha as if!! seriously
also the fact was left out that i was cheated on.
darren was extremely surprised. :P

anyway...
to clear it all up
you slept with sam.
i slept with reuben. i was a doosh. i regret it.
you slept with sam
its over.
now you know so dont keep asking me. pweese :)

simple as
so im not going to fanny around being sad and alsorts.
im over it.
plus i really like someone
its really complicated because of allsorts.
but hes great :)
we has lots of hugs and he makes me smile
i feel as happy as i was way back last june.
at that time id met someone i really liked and we got on really well.
im starting to be smiley again.
but i wish id said yes on sunday.
if i could go back i would.
wheres conor with that time machine when i need him :P

anyways. more shopping in the morning, big in falkirk in the afternoon, drinkage!!
plus bank holiday on monday. yay!! chillaxing!! yeah im that cool lol
my daddy just handed me £65. how kind hehe :)

no more

i cant pretend anymore
i cant deal with it all
i cant keep living
i cant stop loving

but i have to try and do it all to be happy
i just want to be happy again

im disappointed that i actually went to the motorway.
tbh alex is probs the main reason i stopped
because wen i felt like giving up and it was all too much
he appeared
and hugged me.
yeah he thot i was going to see simon haha
but he was sort of there wen i needed someone if you no wat i mean

anyway. i feel like a spaztic retard.
i should have said yes on sunday
but theres no point sitting regreting

i have good friends right now
seonaid. i know iv been neglecting our friendship but shes always there when i need her. were going shopping tomorrow and saturday so i dont look like a trampy hobo no more :L
michelle. thank you for telling me and being there. i really need you as my shoulder to cry on at the moment. lu
conor. your an amazing friend even wen your hurting me and pulling my clothes apart lol. ill keep your secret to my grave.
and dionne. your really great. and i know i can trust you hehe. your plan for shaun is epic haha and you make me feel better about all the crap. i talk to you about all my problems. thank you. lu!!

anyway school is better. iv finished my whole art folio.
im allowed to take advanced art next year :)
me and david shall teach advanced awesomeness!!
im in the money. so mass shopping spree lol

just remember im happy on the outside but dieing on the inside

oh and thank you to the very many people who huggeded me today
michelle and alan :L
jemma, andrea, jordan, conor, shaun, im sure there were others but i forget when bawling :P

matts party

argh
my head is killing me
i really cant look at the screen much longer so ill gve you a general idea of the goings on of last night and write it proper tomorrow

went to matts.
went on trampoline.
drank very little amount.
got chased around by thomas trying to kill me. (seriously he had a "punishment stick").
hid from the police in alexs room with loads of folk.
drank alot more.
was videoed on top of sam.
had big talks with michelle.
went in the hottub.
whiteyed.
shaun looked after me.
passed out.
woke up whole house trying to find my phone in the morning.
tried to recover.

theres more but i forget

we need to talk

seriously tho. we do. theres stuff that i cant describe and its just complicated