Monday, 4 May 2009


... is there really a point to it.

i was going to write a long list of why theres no point but hey whats the point in that.
life always has a point. you just have to believe in it.
i know i completely gave up at one point
but why should i
i can be sad and depressed and wishing it would all end later.
but right now, shes still alive and i have to be there for her.
it would kill her if i disappeared and i cant do that to her
i dont want to think about it but i know shes getting worse
if she doesnt have this operation shell die. slowly and uncomfortably
but if she does have it shell die in the middle of it.
its way too high risk.
im kind of coming to terms with this. thats why i need to be happy with wat i have
because itll be gone and closure is something i find insanely hard to get.

my whole world came tumbling down before my eyes.
but i cant let it ruin everything.
iv allowed it to happen before and i never want to again.
im going to be okay. youre going to be okay
you told me ages ago youd rather have me as your friend than not in your life at all
so lets do that. but not yet. i still need time and seeing you saturday was probs even too much
right now all you need to know is im going to be happy.
whatever it takes :)
and i wont hurt myself. thats a promise for now.

saturday evening was really lovely too.
even with ambers little bitch fit on the phone lol
i love hugs.
i feel asleep watching lee evans. lolage
but anyway thank you.
your making me happy and thats wat i need.
free periods are great. even if i lose at thumb wars.
and you make me fall off my chair. and then hack into my phone
haha served you right.
kinda makes me want that time machine moresies.
also damn my lack of phone moneys!!

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